It is worth mentioning the value of friends as we roll through this life. Friendship can be a strong, yet tenuous wave to ride.

There are those friends we have literally known our entire lives. Friends we went to school with. Friends we have met through work. Family friends.

The number and quality of friends we have as we go though life also tends to ebb and flow with the wave.

There are those friends you feel are like bothers or sisters. There are the friends that fade from your life, sometimes to re-enter when you need them the most.

There are those unexpected friends that become so much more than just friends. Those are Best Friends, and they are treasures, indeed.

Friendships ebb and flow like the continuous wave.

And there are those Best of Friends that you share your life with. Those are the friends that steal your heart. Those are the ones you love. This is the best of waves.

And there are those curious friendships we now develop in the era of social media. I have developed some amazing friendships with people I have never actually met.

My wife was my very best friend, and she was a good one to have. I hope she felt the same about me. I know I tried. It is incredible have a friend you can share every facet of your life with.

And, let’s be brutally honest here, what could possibly be better than having the best of all friends, and then you get to have sex with them? That’s what true love is.

And there are those friends you meet through other friends …

True story:

A friend on social media was having issues with someone she was in something of a long distance relationship with. She seemed like a solid citizen. (That’s a good recommendation from me, as I am a bit cynical by nature.) Kathy was a serious professional who worked hard, was a serious animal lover, and just came across as a compassionate person. I liked her immediately.

I gave her my opinion as to how to handle her relationship problem, but I’m a guy, and I thought she needed the point of view of a woman who was at least as cynical as myself. So I introduced Kathy to my wife, Liz. Some waves come so close that they resonate and propagate a new wave. This was a friendship such as that.

Liz listened, and offered Kathy her often unvarnished opinions. Their friendship went far beyond relationship advise. They shared very similar views on social issues. They had both lived through varied life experiences. They shared their lives. Their friendship quickly progressed beyond social media, and they began talking on the phone.

Liz’s activities outside the house had been greatly curtailed due to her health. In fact, she was on total disability, so she didn’t work outside of the house too much. That, coupled with the fact that Kathy lived three time zones away meant that they would often talk on the phone into the night.

They talked, and they laughed. It was like a nightly slumber party. I loved hearing Liz laugh. Anyone who could make Liz laugh like that was a freaking Ace in my book.

Liz would sometimes ask my opinion on some of the issues Kathy would have. We were both a bit concerned with relationship situations she would find herself in. It can be hard watching a friend who is simply trying to find a happy path in life; an appropriate wave to vibrate with if you will, compromising themselves. When you compromise yourself, you dampen your wave, taking away your own power. And Kathy was a strong woman. We both wanted her to keep her personal energy focused in a positive direction.

I pretty much stayed out of these discussions. Girls resonate at a particular frequency, and guys tend to not always harmonize with their frequency. I would occasionally throw my two cents in, but I pretty much observed. They did just fine on their own, and there is some girl talk that I just can’t participate in. (Y’all know what I’m talking about. Come on.)

As time rolled on, and Liz dealt with her health problems, Kathy was there. She was in many ways a better companion than I was, as I worked a lot, and it often involved being on call. Kathy fit into Liz’s schedule better than I did, often times. I was actually grateful. It was good that she had someone else she could express herself to.

In the last weeks of Liz’s life, Kathy would often message me, asking how she was really doing. I would answer in the only way I knew, and that was to simply tell her that Liz was really tired, which was true, if not entirely accurate. The amplitude of her wave was beginning to ebb, and I simply didn’t know how to tell that to anyone. She has always been such a rock.

In retrospect, in the last weeks she was at home, Liz was giving up some of her energy to me, trying to get me to vibrate more in her frequency, so as to maintain an echo of her should she not fare well in her fight. I believe this with all of my heart.

One evening after trying to coax her to eat dinner, she began talking about Kathy’s potential relationship issues, and she told me that I had to promise to look after her, and make sure she didn’t do anything stupid. Kathy would often lead with her heart, and she had been beaten back of an occasion or two.

She said, “You know how I feel about this stuff, and I think we are on the same page. Give her good advise. You have a good head about these things. Promise me you’ll look out for her.”

Although I didn’t think I would be called upon to offer relationship advise or admonitions, I agreed. It seemed a safe bet.

The last ten days of Liz’s life included two hospital stays. She was so weak and inattentive, she told me to take her phone home from the hospital, as she was having troubles operating it. She was cutting herself off from the rest of the world. I could feel the last of her energy leaving her.

Kathy would message me, concerned that Liz wasn’t really answering her texts with anything other than one or two word responses, and then not at all. All I could tell her was that Liz was really tired.

The day came that we received some unfortunate results from a CT scan. It had spread to a bad place.

In keeping with her habit of committing to doing whatever the Drs told her to to to fight, she consented to radiation. But I could see something horrible in her eyes, and her attitude toward many things changed. She wouldn’t allow me to help her do little things to help her anymore. She insisted I let the nurses do virtually everything.

She was distancing herself from me. She was so tired from the fight. My best friend had given up.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to live anymore. She simply no longer had the strength to fight anymore.

And I watched my best friend pull away from me. It was the most frightening thing I had ever experienced.

One night before leaving the hospital, she asked me to leave her phone, and to text her when I got home, so she would know I was home safe. It was the most I had heard her say in days, and it made me happy to have her telling me what to do once again.

I kissed her, and promised I would.

I texted when I got home, and got ready for bed. I was exhausted. I didn’t expect a reply, as it had become really difficult for her to operate her phone.

A minute later, my phone rang. It was Lizzie. “I just called to tell you I loved you. Get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Those were the last words she spoke to me. She had given me the last of her vibration.

The next morning I arrived to the hospital to find they had just moved her to the ICU. She was unable to breathe on her own, and her systems were all failing.

In keeping with her wishes, I asked the Dr if this was a bridge to recovery, or was this simply how it would be.

I was told this was not reversible.

I asked them to wait until I could gather our daughters and her brother, then we would withdraw the respirator, and let her find her peace.

I walked to her side, and as I looked into her blank eyes, I knew her wave had ceased. What lay before me was just the shell of who had been my best friend. I could no longer feel her vibration.
They withdrew the breathing assistance, and we waited. We held her hand. We told her it was OK, and we would miss her terribly, but we would be OK. It was OK to rest.

I watched her take her last breath. I kissed her, and I said goodbye.

There were so many people to contact. I had no idea what I was doing. My wave had degenerated into static.

Kathy was among the first people outside of immediate family that I told. I don’t know why, but it seemed important.

In the ensuing days and weeks, rolls changed. The waves and resonances realigned.

Kathy checked on me daily to make sure I had both oars in the water. She helped me grieve, and she grieved with me.

Our losses were significantly different, but I feel we both carried remnants of Liz’s vibration with us, and we were both able to benefit from this additive energy. It was cathartic for both of us.

And as with the ebb and flow of the continuous wave we all ride, a new harmonic wave was born out of grief.

Now, Kathy is my best friend. We have decided we need to know each other better.

We have met on four occasions, and we think there is something to this. She is a special human who has endured her share of loss. We have lots of common ground. Different, but similar experiences.

So, this will be a part of this adventure. We don’t know where this will go, but we want to find out. It is important.

In the cycle of finding friends, adding them to our experience as we ride our individual waves, and watching the amplitude of our waves grow and shrink, we tend to notice some people more intensely. I believe it is due to the awareness of feeling our collective waves resonate with each other.

You know. The people we just click with.

Stick with me. I’m certain there will be more to say in the matter of Kathy and her wave.

Until the next installment of this adventure, stop to ponder the people your wave resonates with. Also consider the people you find you don’t resonate with. You may surprise yourself.