Change is simply a part of life. When things stay the same, there is a significant problem.

We have all heard people say they are “in a rut”, or that they are just slogging through the daily grind.

We have all seen stagnant relationships or marriages that disintegrate due to endless weeks, months or even years of doing the same old stuff, week after week … Eating the same stuff, watching the same shows, mowing the same lawn. You know. Nothing new. Boredom.

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know. What do you want?”

“I picked last night. You have to pick!”

“Want me to stop at the Japanese take-out place?”

“We had that last week! No! I don’t want that again.”

“Then what Do you want?”

“I don’t know!!!”

“I Don’t Know“

That phrase has been the downfall of many (potentially) great relationships.

On one hand, I can actually rationalize and understand this sort of behavior, although I don’t recommend it. “I don’t know” is kinda like giving up and not even wanting to try.
Now, I realize that as time goes on, we tend to settle into a groove. There’s no escaping that. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It is all a matter of the groove you allow yourself to settle into.

Trying to foster a good relationship can be tough. Trying to do it when both of you have had your share of unfortunate relationship issues in the past can make progress mighty slow. And it can make having faith to overcome these issues challenging to overcome.

It is important to not let the wave fizzle out.

Kathy and I have discussed this. While I’ve got a few years on her, we both kinda agree that we are too old for the bullshit of getting involved in a relationship that everyone isn’t “all in” for.

I remember sitting in a restaurant talking about how wonderful and amazing it felt to be together.

It was mentioned in our conversation that, as a matter of course, every relationship starts out feeling sparkly, new and fresh. But the trick was how to keep it feeling that way … No, not to simply feel that way, but to actually be just that:

Continually new, fresh & sparkly.

OK. Now, we all know that it simply isn’t possible to continually shoot rainbows out of our asses. We all have bad days. We sometimes simply get tired. Sometimes people piss in our Wheaties. But this isn’t a permanent condition, so why treat it like one?

A bad day at work wouldn’t necessarily ruin having a good time going out on a date with someone you have been looking forward to going out with, would it?  Hell, it might actually make the day better. Because it’s good to have something to look forward to, right?

So, Kathy and I posited that perhaps it is just a matter of committing ourselves to not letting things get old. Keeping it new. Keeping things in front of us that we will look forward to.

Different energies have different waves. But the waves of light are uniquely different. They are waves, yet they are particles, too. The speed of the particles in conjunction with the frequency of the wave it rides determines the color. (Or at least what we perceive as color.)

We generally see white light as the standard for sunlight because that’s how it appears. But we know that in reality, sunlight is made up of different colors. We see this when sunlight is bent through raindrops, and shows it’s different colors as the waves and particles are congregated into their respective color group according to speed and frequency. Rainbows.

And it seems a little similar with people and their respective waves.

It is easy, as I said, to get really caught up in the newness of a relationship. Everything is bright and colorful as a rainbow when you feel things starting to “click” between you. We look at this other person through the prism of what endears them to us.

We feed on this … being excited about the other person, and them in turn being excited about you.

You enable each other to shoot rainbows out of your asses. (It sounds kinda like magic, and in a way, I suppose it is!)

And this works, right up to the point where one or both of you decide to set down your prism. At this point, the magic starts to fade from your little rainbow convention. The colors begin to homogenize back into white light. Suddenly, that person that ravished your soul looks a lot like everyone else. The rainbow, and the magic is gone.

This is Rutsville.

We have a few choices here.

1. We can just accept that this is what life has settled into, and keep slogging through the new “normal”. I’ve seen plenty of relationships do just this. Sometimes it is “for the kids”, which seems to me to be the perfect example to NOT show your children. I mean, if they think that the normal way of living with a spouse is to find ways to tolerate them, this is precisely the relationship they will look for. People live what they have learned. Don’t teach your kids this shit.
2. We can just forget the vows we made to one another, and start screwing around, or just call it off and head directly to Divorceville. While we are at it, let’s also not teach the kids that this shit is OK. Cause it isn’t.
3. We can recognize that we have slipped, and try to get back to where we once were. But this takes a little behavior modification if you have let it go for some time. It can feel awkward acting like you are trying to date someone you have become accustomed to seeing walk into the bathroom on weekend mornings with a newspaper & a caffeinated beverage. We won’t even broach the subject of what sounds you may hear coming from the bathroom when all they took in with them was a newspaper & a mug of something. (These are the things that shatter newness into tiny shards, but is better than the previous two choices.)
4. Or, we can take the easy way out: Just keep that shit new. Avoid the rut. Avoid having to go back to fix something that isn’t broken, but has fallen into disrepair due to non-use. Keep it new. Keep it snappy.

I think most will agree that choices #1 & #2 above are the least desirable,

Just maintain the habit of helping your Significant Other to continually appear to be shooting rainbows out of their respective asses. Don’t put down your prism. There is every reason to believe that the Love of Your Life will reciprocate, not out of obligation, but because you have fostered an atmosphere where this behavior is a normal thing.

And these are good things to demonstrate for your kids. (Remember, Kids live what they learn for the most part.)

And with that all said, I’m curious what sorts of things y’all do to keep it new. Tell me how you keep the rainbows shooting in your life.

Tell me (and everybody else) what works in your world, and also what doesn’t work,

I may be an old dog, but I can still learn some new tricks.